S5E13 Healing After Childhood Abuse

Safety is a conversation, not a vibe. 

Chapters

• 0:00 Opening Tension And Hard Boundary
• 1:01 Host Welcome And Work Burnout
• 3:00 Day Jobs, Cities, And Driving Talk
• 7:10 Food Cravings And Restaurant Recs
• 12:00 Glasses, Money, And Small Life Fixes
• 15:30 Do We Laugh At Our Own Pod
• 16:50 Idea: Live Calls And Anonymous Tea
• 19:30 Pockets, Clothes, And Everyday Rants
• 23:00 Fruits, Textures, And Taste Debates
• 32:40 Sugar, Diabetes, And Stress On The Body
• 34:00 The Trauma: Childhood SA And Mother
• 43:20 Forgiveness, Boundaries, And No Contact
• 49:30 Triggers, Rage, And Grounding Tools
• 57:30 Therapy Plans And Quitting Nicotine
• 1:04:00 Willpower, Quitting Cigarettes Stories
• 1:07:20 Healing Cycles In Latino Families
• 1:15:20 Accountability, Apologies, And Growth
• 1:20:40 Closing: Mental Health Resources And CTA

Transcript

Opening Tension And Hard Boundary

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Like it's not judgmental, like I'm not judging her. I just can't respect her. Right. Is that the same? Or is that a difference? No, not really. Like, you don't have to pay no mind to her. Yeah, because it's like it's you know, as fuck though we all do things whether we regret them or not, and it's no judgment, but I can't respect you for that. I can't sit here and sit in the same room with you. I can't sit here and share the same air. Because if someone that got molested, someone that was told that I was lying, for you to sit here and say that a three-year-old is lying. I mean taking it personal. Yeah. Because how the fuck a three-year-old lie. Right. But that's enough of that conversation. Let's get this party started. Ooh, yes. Welcome back, guys. It's dear girl Karina. And my Lenny. How are y'all today?

SPEAKER_04 1:07

Yes, tell us about your day. Was it relaxing, stressful?

SPEAKER_02 1:11

No. My was stressful. Man. Fuck my job. I'm ready for a new job. No, I actually am ready for a new job. Really? Really? Um, yeah, actually. I am currently looking. Um, I'm just over it, honestly. Like, I'm over management, um, over certain customers. And I just feel like I've been doing it for too long. Time in. Like, it's not like I feel like the whole part of dealing with customers, I've done it for too goddamn long. Like, I don't want to deal with customers anymore. Yeah, customer service sucks. Like, I feel like I've like my you that's majority of my work history. Like, I've always had to deal with customers one way or another, whether it was it over the phone or it was in person, whether it was in the food industry, or when I used to work at Metro, like it's it, I was always surrounded, I'm always surrounded by customers, and I wanna work in a place where I no longer have to deal with customers.

SPEAKER_04 2:14

Oh, okay. So, like, what kind of uh occupation would that be? I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 2:20

I was thinking stripper, right? Hey, but I was like, damn, I gotta dance on the customers, so I'm still dinning with them.

SPEAKER_04 2:27

Yeah, and then some of them get hands-y, so like you still gonna have to. But this time you can yeah, this time you can actually like punch them, hell yeah. Yeah, so it's not that bad, you know. You know, I love to punch people, no? It's like I like to start shit up a little bit.

SPEAKER_02 2:45

I do. I like to start the pot. Yes, like I did today. I am proud of myself. It is what it is. I did get hype.

SPEAKER_04 2:52

Hey, take that L. Or not will that person take that L. No, take the L.

SPEAKER_00 2:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 2:58

I don't think about it.

Day Jobs, Cities, And Driving Talk

SPEAKER_02 2:59

I'm like, who am I referring to? No, yeah, take the L. But it is what it is. Um, but I am looking for another job. Um, I don't know what I want though. Like for the like for a really long time, I've been thinking about like professionally house sitting. Okay. I've thought about um, I've also heard about traveling jobs that you can do with people's pets. Like, so if you were example, you have three cats and you happen to move to, I don't fucking know, Dubai for whatever.

SPEAKER_04 3:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:33

And you know, some people go out there first to make sure everything's settled and they leave like their pets behind. And then you hire somebody professionally, in this case it would have been me, to travel with your pets.

SPEAKER_00 3:45

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 3:46

And I get them on the airplane, they travel with me. I keep them until I hand them to you personally, and then I fly back. But you pay for all of that. Like you pay for my flight, you pay for my where my hotel stays. If if I need to stay at a hotel, and I get paid for by the agency.

SPEAKER_04 4:07

Damn. There's agencies that do that. Yeah, so I'm trying to find one. Oh, you gotta go to Dallas. Dallas is where everything's at.

SPEAKER_02 4:16

And then I'm gonna have to move again. Bro, it sucks. Dallas is such a mess, though. Yeah, I don't like I don't. Whenever I have to drive, well, whenever I have to go over there, I don't drive. I think I've driven one time. So how do you get to Dallas? How? Yeah. But with Jonathan.

SPEAKER_04 4:35

Oh, you get driven. Okay, okay, okay.

SPEAKER_02 4:38

I was about to say, I'm like, no, I get oh yeah, I get taken by Jonathan. Okay, okay. I've driven one time and I got lost. That's fucking hell. Mm-hmm. Yeah. It's just it's it's it's just too much. Like, they got too much going on. But here in my hometown, I can do this shit with my eyes closed.

SPEAKER_04 5:01

No, dude, I still get stuck around here. What? Yes. That's crazy. I've been here for what, like two years? Like, fuck that. And I've always been around though.

SPEAKER_02 5:10

I well, yeah, I mean, I mean two years compared to 29 years, though.

SPEAKER_04 5:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:14

Yeah. Because I know I know I I know the little streets. Like, I can take you everywhere in the little streets around this neighborhood. Oh, that's so cool. I actually like the streets because I hate being I like I like the neighborhood streets. I hate the big streets because I hate people.

SPEAKER_04 5:30

Yeah. No, dude, what I like is like people who and Ray does this so fucking well. He can like visualize the fucking map in his head, and he's like, Oh, you just take these routes to go ahead and go around traffic and shit like that. I'm like, how you do that? You gotta memorize everything and then street names and everything. Man, kudos to y'all.

SPEAKER_02 5:50

Okay, you you lose me on the street names. I don't know my freeways. People be like, people be like, oh yeah, 121. What? Where? Which one? Where's that at? How do I get there? Give me locations around it. Yeah, you're on it right now. Oh, like, oh shit. I was about to take a lift. I'm like, yeah, this is just the freeway for me. I know the street names, like I know the X's to the freeway, but the freeway itself, it's a freeway.

unknown 6:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:21

It's a highway.

SPEAKER_00 6:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:22

Unless the service and the highway, which one I don't know? What do you mean precedent? What is that one? What is that? The what is that one freeway? Precedent something.

SPEAKER_04 6:32

Sepa.

SPEAKER_02 6:34

Precedent George? No. I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 6:36

That's La Bajada, all the way in fucking in. That's a bajada? Yes. I thought that was an actual see? No.

SPEAKER_02 6:43

Literally I literally just proved my point.

SPEAKER_04 6:45

I'm like, it leads you to a highway, but I don't know which one. Okay, see.

SPEAKER_02 6:49

But it says La Bajada that you take. That's a lot. So I only know my exits. Ikea? I think it was I think it's President George.

SPEAKER_04 6:58

Yeah, it's George.

SPEAKER_01 6:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 6:59

If it's the one like that leads to the IKEA is near it, yeah.

Food Cravings And Restaurant Recs

SPEAKER_02 7:05

I don't know. I know I've been to IKEA, but why? Jonathan takes me.

SPEAKER_04 7:10

Yeah, I know that one's far. There's a barbecue place over there. Not a barbecue place, a Korean, Korean barbecue place over there. But it's good.

SPEAKER_02 7:21

Oh, the one where you cook in front of you? Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. This all be smacking. I'd be in there with the munchies. I don't know what they're called, but I think it's called like the pickle radish. Like they're like really, really big. And they're they're white, but sometimes they're dipped in like green. Like they look greenish. I don't know. They're fucking delicious with the leaves. I I roll everything up. Like I put kimchi and the sauce.

SPEAKER_04 7:47

I fucking love kimchi.

SPEAKER_02 7:48

Dude.

SPEAKER_04 7:48

Dude, me too. Okay. There's this place over here in fucking Benbrook. And it's called Japanese Palace. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 7:56

When are we going? Right now. Cut the mic. Say less.

SPEAKER_04 7:59

They're fucking fried rice. Bitch, let me tell you, I'm not a big fan of fried rice. I would always choose. Yeah, love, chow mein, anything noodles. Yes.

SPEAKER_03 8:12

But that fried rice way, ooh, 20 out of 10. So fucking good.

SPEAKER_02 8:18

I've been telling everybody. Write that, write that uh uh restaurant down, babe. We're gonna have to go there.

SPEAKER_04 8:23

Japanese palace. It's a little pricey.

SPEAKER_02 8:26

But if you see me there, no, you didn't. Nah. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_04 8:29

I'm like, if you saw me there the third time this week, shut the fuck up. I'm like, I know you recognize my car, just leave me alone.

SPEAKER_02 8:36

They're gonna be like, oh Miss number 24.

SPEAKER_05 8:40

I'm like, shut up.

SPEAKER_04 8:42

Is it ready though? Not for real. I'm like, you know, I show up at 8 30 p.m. every Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday, bro. Just have my shit ready.

SPEAKER_05 8:51

Not for real.

SPEAKER_04 8:52

I'm like, I'm trying to get back home, Netflix.

SPEAKER_05 8:54

You know the routine.

SPEAKER_02 8:56

For real, for real. All right, Kam. Okay, so so Far Right. So we gotta go try it.

SPEAKER_04 9:02

I'm telling you, bitch, I'll go any time of the week.

SPEAKER_02 9:05

Well, I'm broke right now, but I just paid for my nails. Oh no, next week, next week. Right. I'm like, we can go when I got money. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_03 9:14

I'm like, let me let me get same saving ups because it's at least a little pricey, but their drinks too, they got me fucked up.

SPEAKER_02 9:22

We still have to go to that fajita place. We need to set up a double date for sure. No, yes, it's on Wednesdays. Nice, Wednesdays, Wednesdays, Wednesdays. We can do Wednesdays. But um, we have to look into it, see what time they actually close.

SPEAKER_04 9:38

But yeah, I don't work.

SPEAKER_02 9:40

I do.

SPEAKER_04 9:41

Uh Ray gets off at six.

SPEAKER_02 9:42

I get off at seven. We can always just meet there, type of shit. Um Damn, we just jumped straight into this motherfucker. How was your day? Oh, my day was pretty good.

SPEAKER_04 9:55

What's it? Yes. Um, Telegraph, we went to go watch the movies last night, and then we were like, you know what, we're not waking up early on time for work. And I was like, say less. So we didn't show up till 10. Okay, what time did you have to be there? Seven. I didn't want to. Like, I woke up at eight, so I'm like, I could have been just an hour late. Fuck that. I was like, let me shower, let me go ahead and actually have a great morning. And then I didn't have to do anything. I got to stay in one spot. They left me alone. I was like, ah, this is a good one. That was a perfect day.

SPEAKER_02 10:29

Do you work tomorrow? Yeah. Oh, damn. But still, it was that's a good Monday. My Monday was a little stressful, just a little bit. Not too much. I was just more annoyed.

SPEAKER_00 10:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:41

Um, I woke up and had a good day. Woke up around 5 30 with John. No, Jonathan, yeah, around with Jonathan around like 5 30 in the morning. Uh, and then walked him out when he left. And then me and Slider just chilled and we watched Pitbus and Parolis. Oh, okay. Until it was time for me to go work. I got up, put my clothes on, and I dipped. And work was okay. I mean, I got the we when we start work, we have to do like this paperwork, and I normally struggle with it. I ain't even gonna lie. And it takes me a minute to finish it. But this time I actually was done by like noon. It was only like one mistake that I had to fix, and it was a super easy mistake. So I was like, bit. I didn't really have any issues with customers. Um I was really busy today, like not in a bad way, like it just made my time buy really fast. Yeah, it was just for other stuff, um, just other personal stuff that was just like, you know, like I broke my fucking glasses. Oh, like right here, uh huh. It's broken. Oh no. We had a super glue with some chicle.

SPEAKER_04 11:55

Oh, at least you had chicle. Is it mint five?

Glasses, Money, And Small Life Fixes

SPEAKER_02 11:59

Yeah, it's a fruity one.

SPEAKER_04 12:01

Oh.

SPEAKER_05 12:04

Right? They're gonna think it's a little flowery. You're like, it's my mosquita. She's stuck.

SPEAKER_02 12:12

No, but oh yeah, no, I broke my fucking glasses, and I gotta go pay a hundred and something. Why? To get my other ones. Because these are normally like I think I don't know if they're like nine or seven hundred dollars. What the fuck? So I have to pay like 175, I believe, out of pocket. You don't got insurance? That is for my insurance.

SPEAKER_05 12:29

What the fuck? Oh hell.

SPEAKER_02 12:31

I get expensive glasses, that's my thing. She's a bougie bitch. Like the glasses that I originally wanted were$1,700, and Jonathan told me no. Oh, damn. So I had to settle for these thousand dollar ones. I guess. No, but I mean, I feel like that's pretty good. Honestly, the night the glasses are almost like the frame itself, I think it was like six. But the lens is yeah, yours is gold though. My lenses, no, they're they're not gold, they're silver. Are they your light is yellow? Yeah, probably. No, but they're silver. They don't make them anymore. So this is our limited edition, which I need now.

SPEAKER_04 13:12

I hate that, bro. The ones I lost in Vegas, same shit. Because I broke them and I was like, Can I get these replaced? They're like, we don't deal with this no more.

SPEAKER_02 13:20

I'm like, why you make you glasses and then I keep it? Yeah, so mine, shout out to my lady from my eye lady. She actually called the factory place that did them. And they were like, Do y'all have any like just over, you know, because they made them, but then they stopped sending them. So she's like, I'm pretty sure they have some like stock in the work somewhere. Yeah. So she reached out to them and they were like, Yeah. So I'm getting my I'm getting the same frame, just a new prescription. Because the bitch is blind. Bro, me. I have to get I normally have to get more prescription every year. I have to get more. So it's getting worse. Mm-hmm. But you'd be wearing your glasses all the time. All the time. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_04 14:06

Because you can't see without them.

SPEAKER_02 14:07

Nope. I'm a blind bitch. I'm legally blind. It's disgusting.

SPEAKER_04 14:13

That fucking sucks.

SPEAKER_02 14:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 14:15

I can't read without my glasses. Well, I can't read in general. I was like, bitch, what?

SPEAKER_02 14:21

You know what's so funny? The other now that you said I can't read in general, the other day I was listening to one of our episodes that we're about to air out. And is and it said we it was the BS uh B D S M one where we're talking about like the sex kinky stuff. Uh-huh. And you said you're like, I don't know how to read. Bro, because it's fine. Bro, okay. Let's be, I'm gonna put you on the spot right now. Whenever you've been listening to our podcast before we air them out, do you be laughing your ass off? I'm like, bro, we funny. Do you start talking back? Yeah, sometimes I'll be like, This is how it could have responded with that one. Sometimes, sometimes it's funny because you'll say something and then I'll respond, and then like seconds later, I say it on the podcast, and I'm like, dead. You'll be like, I know me so well. Yeah, I'm like, I'm so fucking funny.

Do We Laugh At Our Own Pod

SPEAKER_04 15:15

Dude, because I'll be because I'll be telling people, I'm like, y'all just need a I'm gonna start putting on my badge that QR code and just be like, skin it. But um, no, I was telling them on there, I'm like, you should guys should listen. Like, we're pretty funny. Yeah. And then they'll like, like, how funny. I'm like, bitch, how funny? Like, you know, I'm funny, bro. I'm over here saying the dumbest shit.

SPEAKER_02 15:39

Now I'll say it for you to hear it repeatedly. Right, right, right. No, yeah, see? Yeah. For real, it is funny. Um, and I I actually love it. And every time I listen to our episodes before we air them out, I try to um, I always wonder if people are laughing. Like when I make myself laugh, listening to myself, ain't that funny? I'm like, I wonder if people laugh right there. Right.

SPEAKER_04 16:04

We're gonna start putting little little laughing um people in the background.

SPEAKER_02 16:10

Talking about people, a friend brought something up to my attention, and I don't know how to feel about it, but it's like interesting. What if we take calls once in a while? Like, what if we do like a live recording? Non-filter, explicit, no editing, and have people like call. That'd be cool. I think that would be pretty cool. That gave me an idea. I was like, oh shit.

Idea: Live Calls And Anonymous Tea

SPEAKER_04 16:43

But you would have to have like a call phone, like they wouldn't be able to like have our numbers. Oh no. But I'm pretty sure Johnto can figure that shit out. Oh yeah, they have like little apps that they like hook up to your like your phone and it's like a different number.

SPEAKER_02 16:57

Oh, we can even do like uh that's some spias. Like uh like an audio call somewhere where they can just dial a number or click like on the link, you know, like um Zoom calls, how you can do a video, but you can also just do audio.

SPEAKER_04 17:13

Oh yeah. See, I don't think that's my thing. I'm like, damn, I sound so complex.

SPEAKER_05 17:22

That's just bix kid shit.

SPEAKER_04 17:24

She said, I don't want him to have my social security number. I'm like, they can't they can't be calling me at work. They're gonna be like, hey, remember me from the podcast? Be like, uh nope. I'm like, you're gonna find out that I am not nice. No, for real.

SPEAKER_05 17:42

I'm like me. Like, quit fucking calling me, dude. Get your girl scared as around. They're like, what do you mean? Quit fucking following me, hello. I know where you live, bitch.

SPEAKER_02 18:00

Like, the fuck? Hell no, go. You can find everything on the internet. What was I gonna say? But yeah, I feel like we should think about that cop thing. I think it'd be pretty cool. Like we can do it, like uh, I don't know, just once in a while. See how it goes. Kind of make a post and sp and like put it out there and see who wants to participate. I think it'd be pretty cool.

SPEAKER_04 18:26

That'd be cute. We'll be like, hey y'all, get chingos kids. Not for real.

SPEAKER_02 18:34

The cheese men line. Oh, real. The cheese men line, the advice line. That guys, what should I do? Um, my baby daddy had another child on me. First of all, bitch, leave him. Why are you still there? Why are you still there? That part, like you know who we're talking to. Why are you still there, bitch?

SPEAKER_04 18:56

I feel targeted. I'm gonna leave.

SPEAKER_02 18:59

You don't even have any kids.

SPEAKER_05 19:00

I don't got those.

SPEAKER_02 19:05

This bitch got three cats and doesn't know who the baby daddy is.

SPEAKER_05 19:11

It's so sad.

SPEAKER_02 19:12

I actually don't know who the baby daddy was.

SPEAKER_05 19:14

I was like, they came out orange and bro.

SPEAKER_02 19:17

You don't know who the parents are. No, dude. This bitch kidnapped some kittens. No, I'm just playing on she. Just kidding.

SPEAKER_04 19:26

We don't kidnap.

Pockets, Clothes, And Everyday Rants

SPEAKER_02 19:28

That's not even funny. There's nothing to play with. Stop it. No, but I can't be serious. Um, como se llama. What was I gonna say? Oh, so the cheese line. I'm so down because I feel like I feel like the girlies will bring us a lot of fucking drama. Tea, give us well, not drama, tea. Cheesement, for sure. For sure.

SPEAKER_04 19:58

It's cheese men hour. Bring me people from Cleburn. I only know Cleburne people. Um, because that's true. Everybody in Fort Worth knows everybody in Fort Worth.

SPEAKER_02 20:12

I yeah. Everybody in Fort Worth does know I know a lot of people here, yeah. Yeah, especially in in certain areas that I grew up in. It's like Voyal a la tienda, and I get like five haze. And then like, and it's just like out of those five haze, I knew like probably one. I have got people have, and I don't mean no disrespect. I just I don't remember everybody, especially if I only saw you once. Like, come in some fucking slack. Okay, relax, relax.

SPEAKER_04 20:46

And then who you were back then, you may not dress the same, you may not look the same.

SPEAKER_02 20:50

Oh, I definitely I look the same, but I definitely do not dress the same.

SPEAKER_04 20:54

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 20:55

Back a couple years ago, I was very tomboyish, very masculine. Now it's like titty's ass out all the time. Nah, yeah, for real. She wears mini skirts.

SPEAKER_04 21:05

I don't. Pencil skirts. I do. She's like, I gotta be off as professional. Okay. But I do wear scrubs, dude. Scrub pants are so comfy.

SPEAKER_02 21:17

Let me try to. Are they really?

SPEAKER_03 21:18

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 21:19

I've never tried them because I feel like I won't find any of my size.

SPEAKER_04 21:23

You will find them in your size because they have them in all ranges, and they are the comfiest pants to be in.

SPEAKER_02 21:30

I just don't see a point of me having them since I don't work in that field. I just feel like I I just feel like those type of pants material is for a specific field.

SPEAKER_04 21:40

Yeah, like if you're walking all the time, or like no seyan or nothing, so they're very good for that. And then they have pockets because you know, or she's gotta be having shit on a whole bunch of photos.

SPEAKER_02 21:53

What is those pants called? The cargo pants? Oh, yeah. With the cargo pockets?

SPEAKER_04 22:00

You know, it took me a while to realize why they were called cargo shorts. Why? Because they hold your cargo, like all the shit that you carry, and I was like, bruh. That's so stupid. I thought cargo was just like the color style.

SPEAKER_02 22:15

I'm so dope. I love you, Melina. You're so funny, man.

SPEAKER_04 22:18

I'm a special butterfly. I know what I am. She's just fly, fly, fly. She's like, my mind literally is a butterfly.

SPEAKER_05 22:27

You'd be like, no, pussy.

SPEAKER_04 22:31

I'd be like that. But they're soft. What? The nurse's pants.

SPEAKER_03 22:37

Oh, bitch. Sorry.

SPEAKER_02 22:40

Cargo fans are not soft.

SPEAKER_05 22:44

They're just stylish.

Fruits, Textures, And Taste Debates

SPEAKER_02 22:46

Yeah, they are kind of like thickish. They do have a lot of pockets. Why do men clothes have more pockets than women's clothes? Because they hold our stuff. They hold all of our shit. Okay. What about those single bitches that need to carry their own shit? They have okay. Everybody pause. Pause. Pause. Stop driving, pull over, put the joint. Well, don't put the joint up, but sit up. Listen. Somebody explain to me. Somebody explain to me why, as women, we have fake fucking pockets. Why do I have an outline of a pocket? And it will, it don't even be one. It'd be like two pockets. And it's just a fucking line. It's not even a fucking pocket. And then there's some pockets that not even a quarter fits in it.

SPEAKER_04 23:39

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:40

What am I supposed to put in there?

SPEAKER_04 23:41

I do put shit in my pocket. Fucking plan B nomas? Hell no. They're like for special occasions. That little button pocket. Yeah. That's like a there's it's supposedly supposed to be for like a pocket watch, but bitches, those pocket watches are not that small. Like I've seen pocket watches normally bigger.

SPEAKER_02 24:01

I heard on chapstick, but like the little chapsticks.

SPEAKER_04 24:04

Even the little ones don't fit in there.

SPEAKER_02 24:08

No, I need real ass pockets for my snacks. I'm a fat bitch. Cargo shorts.

SPEAKER_05 24:15

Let's go back to those. Like they have them on the bottom. No, it's because I have some beige ones. Like beige pants ones. And I do be putting I have like grapes in a little baggie.

SPEAKER_04 24:29

Don't come at me. People that carry around vegetables or fruits. No.

SPEAKER_02 24:34

I sometimes walk around with a bag of grapes. I'm telling you, grapes are the shit. Grapes are the shit. I fucking love me some grapes. Right now in my fridge, I have watermelon, telénoupe, pineapple, blueberries, and dragon fruit.

SPEAKER_04 24:46

You're hearing me get up and go into her fridge. I love fruit.

SPEAKER_02 24:51

I love fruit. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 24:52

It's just sweet. It's it's like nice whenever you're just chilling in bed.

SPEAKER_02 24:56

Mm-hmm. It is refreshing. Like, and for the people out there that have never had dragon fruit, it doesn't have anything. Like, it doesn't taste like anything.

SPEAKER_04 25:06

Turn around and have that conversation elsewhere because you heard me correctly. I did not stutter.

SPEAKER_02 25:18

What? I don't like it. Clunch my pearls. Yes, clunch. Get your shit and go. I will leave. No, it's because I don't like Mia texture. But it oh, okay. The texture is one thing, but flavor-wise, I don't think it tastes like anything. It's like Swedish. I feel like it, I feel like it doesn't have any flavor because it's just supposed to be one of those fruits that have water in it to hydrate, like hydr hydrate you and stuff like that. So but I mean, I don't think it has a flavor.

SPEAKER_04 25:52

It does. To me, it does.

SPEAKER_02 25:54

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 25:54

Like it has more of like a sweeter taste to it. Like the taste is good. But like I would get it in a drink. But like the actual fruit, like I can't deal with the texture with it. It just it throws me off way too much. It doesn't match with the taste of what it should taste like. So it just throws me off.

SPEAKER_02 26:13

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 26:13

I also heard that that people can't like like whenever they talk about watermelon, how it's just like it has no taste to it. It's just watery. I'm like, no, it has like a sweet taste.

SPEAKER_02 26:25

Some I feel like some watermelon doesn't have any flavor.

SPEAKER_04 26:28

Really?

SPEAKER_02 26:28

I feel like I think it's just the way that it was grown.

SPEAKER_04 26:31

No, to me, it's either it's really sweet or it's just semi-sweet. But it always has a taste. I've never gotten one that you can't taste nothing but like water retention.

SPEAKER_02 26:43

Hmm. I've gotten some that is sweet, and I've gotten some one that like I don't want to say tart, but like a little like sour. And it's just oh, yeah, some podridas. Yeah, like I've tasted that. Yeah, I've tasted that too. I've I've normally just tasted sweet. It's like a soury taste. I've had the ones that that tasted like pretty much like nothing, are the ones that are like already pre-cut and they're like pre-mixed on the fruit bowl, like in the stores. Those for me, sometimes the watermelon not in the flavor.

SPEAKER_04 27:16

Yeah, they're just mushy. I don't like mushy.

SPEAKER_02 27:19

And it's like because it's just been sitting there. But when I get a watermelon, like like the watermelon from my mother-in-law, they be nice, like they're really juicy, really like they are good. Sometimes I majority of the time I make it into agua de melon. Oh you I'm so fucking Mexican.

SPEAKER_04 27:36

I love the agua de pepino.

SPEAKER_02 27:38

Oh, yes.

SPEAKER_04 27:39

I I made it the first time. Best shit ever. I tried it again at my house because I did at my mom's. It was not the same thing. I was so bad because I made so much. I was just like, you know what? It's gonna be so good. And then I tasted and I didn't do enough like of the the limon. I didn't peel it enough. And so like you got all the tart. Uh I added so much sugar to that bitch, and it Sometimes you can't save it. You couldn't save it.

SPEAKER_02 28:09

Um, something, some, some next time if something happens like that, do water syrup.

SPEAKER_04 28:15

How you do that?

SPEAKER_02 28:16

You do a cup of sugar and a cup of water and heat it up, and that's your syrup. And pour it into your that's how I do my lemonades. When I make home lemonades, limonadas, I don't put raw sugar in there, I do syrup. I do sugar syrup.

SPEAKER_04 28:34

Crazy. I didn't know that. I'm gonna have to try it.

SPEAKER_02 28:37

Yeah. Sometimes I can salvage it.

SPEAKER_04 28:40

Yeah, no, that sometimes it was pure gone because I added half a bag of sugar.

SPEAKER_02 28:45

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 28:46

I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 28:47

That's crazy.

SPEAKER_04 28:48

Yeah, it just tasted like bitter sugar sugar water at that point. I was so sad.

SPEAKER_02 28:53

So you threw the whole limonis in there?

SPEAKER_04 28:56

No, like Los Pele, but like it still had the white part, and then I blended it.

SPEAKER_02 29:01

Sorry, let me refresh that. Like you took the skin off, but you threw the whole circle. Like you didn't like squeeze it. Okay, no, I do the same thing. Yeah, I usually did the knife and I just cut the skin off. Uh-huh. But I normally take all the white stuff off.

SPEAKER_04 29:16

Yeah, I did not.

SPEAKER_02 29:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 29:18

That was my mistake.

SPEAKER_02 29:21

I actually didn't know that there's something that you could do. Like, I didn't know that it leaving the white thing will make it more sour.

SPEAKER_04 29:29

It still has that bitterness of the of the rind. And it would connect to it.

SPEAKER_02 29:35

It's very interesting. Now I know something. What's one fruit that you don't like?

SPEAKER_00 29:42

Oh, kiwi.

unknown 29:44

I love kiwi.

SPEAKER_04 29:48

I don't really like like I got like kiwi flavors, like the like the little juices that they have. Yeah. What's it called? The sour pasch. That's not it.

SPEAKER_02 30:00

The crepe sons. I love kiwi. One one fruit that I don't like is papaya. Really? Oh yeah, no papaya. I don't like that shit either. That thing's bitter as folks. And I've tried it, I've tried it con azúcar. I've tried it con lechera.

SPEAKER_04 30:18

With sal.

SPEAKER_02 30:19

Uh yes, I've tried it with sal and nothing. Like, I can't even do the smell. Another thing I can't- I like the smell of papaya. I can't. I I don't like grapefruit.

SPEAKER_04 30:31

I semi-like grapefruit.

SPEAKER_02 30:33

I can't do it. I can't do the taste, the taste or the flavor. The taste or the flavor. This dumb bitch. The taste or the smell.

SPEAKER_04 30:40

Really? The smell? I love the smell of grapefruit. Like if it's in your shampoo.

SPEAKER_02 30:47

Mm-mm.

SPEAKER_04 30:48

I like that one.

SPEAKER_02 30:50

No.

SPEAKER_04 30:51

I like pineapples.

SPEAKER_02 30:52

I love pineapples. I love how. Ooh, or I don't like green apples. I don't do apples. Really? In general. I like them with peanut butter. Okay. Let me rephrase. I like apples just for whatever fucking reason. I can't swallow the skin. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And when I actually chew into an apple, like when I bite it, the skin cuts my gum. So when I eat apples, I actually have to sh like shave it. Like I have to peel it. And then I cut it. Yeah. Because if I can't bite into the apple, I have to do a little, it's fucking weird.

SPEAKER_04 31:34

It is like hard on your gums. Because that one, yeah, it's got me before.

SPEAKER_02 31:38

Yeah. But the skin, I for the life of me, I can't swallow it. Like I always end up spitting it out. Like it's so crazy. Like I'll I'll eat the apple, but the skin leave it there. I just can't do it. Like it gets stuck. Like I've tried to swallow it, but it'll get stuck on the side of my throat. You're like, fuck this.

SPEAKER_04 31:56

Yeah, no, you gotta like mad chew that bitch.

SPEAKER_02 31:59

Yeah, and I just peel it. Like, I love that shit. Oh, I love that bitch especially. But like I have like obviously when Tiola, like I'll peel my my bananas, my fucking manzana. I hope you peeled your bananas. You need a little bit of a shit with the skin.

SPEAKER_04 32:24

No, that freaking texture whenever you bite into it, because that's not everybody. Yeah, that's what you feel. It's because you know everybody has bitten into like that edge of the banana.

Sugar, Diabetes, And Stress On The Body

SPEAKER_02 32:38

It is disgusting. It tastes weird. Like it's I don't even want to, I don't even think it's like sour. It's like bitter. Like, I don't know. It tastes like earworks. I don't know what earwax tastes like, but if that's what it tastes like, disgusting. Go sneer too. Nasty. I didn't want to know whose ears you'll be licking that you get earwix. Ray? If you're listening to this, clean your ears. Oh, I want to say something else. Because how about bananas? Do you like bananas?

SPEAKER_03 33:21

I love bananas.

SPEAKER_02 33:22

Okay, so licuados? Yeah, I can do licuados. I can hop on licuados. Can you eat a banana by itself though? Like you just go to you look at it, you peel it, you open it, you bite it. I I can't. Really? I don't the texture. It's too soft. It's too and I don't like that. I can't deal with that noise. Yeah. I can't do it.

SPEAKER_04 33:46

But if it's me, I don't care.

SPEAKER_02 33:48

No.

SPEAKER_04 33:49

Damn, that's crazy, really?

The Trauma: Childhood SA And Mother

SPEAKER_02 33:51

Like, I can't, I can't hear nobody else do that noise. I can't hear my myself do that noise. Like, I eat it's really, really rare. Uh, a while back, my mother-in-law had bananas, and I was craving a banana like crazy. I ate all her bananas. Bitch, I went and took a pregnancy test. I was like, hold the fuck up. She's like, hold on. Yeah, and I wasn't pregnant. Thing got who dodged the one, dodged the bullets. But yeah, it was really rare because I I fucked up those bananas. She had five bananas and I ate those bananas. Not all in one sitting. I think it I was going to her house every day. So every day I was eating a banana.

SPEAKER_04 34:33

Oh, dude.

SPEAKER_02 34:34

Bananas are so good.

SPEAKER_04 34:36

Especially with the licuados. Yes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 34:39

See, I can do licuados. I can do like mixed with other fruit. I can do um banana like muffins and stuff like that.

SPEAKER_04 34:50

Oh, banana muffins are so fucking good. Or blueberry muffins.

SPEAKER_02 34:55

Yes. One time my mother-in-law and I, we made, oh, and in my and his his aunt, we made like eight loaves. I think it was like eight loaves of banana bread. Homemade. You know, membitastas.

SPEAKER_04 35:13

No. Sorry.

unknown 35:15

That's okay.

SPEAKER_04 35:17

Awkward. Excuse my shedding tears.

SPEAKER_02 35:22

Okay, is there any type of berries that you don't like?

SPEAKER_04 35:27

The blackberries. They're kind of like oh uh like actual raspberries. I don't like those either.

SPEAKER_02 35:34

What? I love all berries. Blueberries, black uh blaspberries. Blackberries, raspberries, strawberries, cherries. Um I don't fuck with cherries either. Eat none of them? Like the the the ones in syrup, like for the cocktails. Yeah, I'll eat those.

SPEAKER_04 35:53

Okay, those. Those are fake. They're like pure sugar.

SPEAKER_02 35:56

The other ones, the actual ones with the little seeds in the middle.

SPEAKER_04 36:00

I hate the fucking seed. Because I bite into it and I'm it the fucking seed gets me, and I know it's there, and I'm strawberries. For the longest, I couldn't get into them either. I don't really like strawberries. Like it takes me a minute. Like if they're bitter, fucking disgusting. If they're sweet, they uh see they have to be a special type of sweet.

SPEAKER_02 36:19

That part. That part. I have to kind of be in the mood for strawberries. You know what's crazy? I this year I realized que I don't really like chocolate-covered strawberries, and it's very funny, right? Because Jonathan used to buy those for people. All the time. And then I just real, I just realized why I never finished them.

SPEAKER_04 36:42

Yeah, just like that's so sweet. Let me eat three. And you're like, mm.

SPEAKER_02 36:45

Yeah, he bought me a big ass bouquet of strawberry, uh chocolate-covered strawberries, and I ate like two, and I was like, and the thing is like it never hit me. Yeah, like now that I'm looking at it right now, like looking back into that, like I bit it and I wasn't like satisfied. Like I was like, Yeah, and I don't understand what the fuck.

SPEAKER_04 37:09

It's because once the chocolate is cold, it's not the same.

SPEAKER_02 37:14

I think I think it's just the strawberry because I I was eating the chocolate, it was just the strawberry that I think strawberry con chocolate, it's best when it's warm.

SPEAKER_04 37:23

Like if you eat it cold, like yeah, it's already frozen on it. But to me, they just don't hit the same either. But then the strawberry too, you gotta be in the roof for it.

SPEAKER_02 37:34

Yeah, I like strawberry stuff, like strawberry flavor stuff, like strawberry milk, um, strawberry pastries. Okay, strawberry milk or chocolate milk from the next strawberry. Oh, neither. Oh, you don't need either, you don't drink neither one of those? I don't like and it's listen. I have strawberry nissquick powder right now, but that's not my brand of choice. I don't I drink strawberry and chocolate milk, but not that brand. Is it the Hershey one? No, it's the turbo, I think it's turbo. Because that's the only one that they had. So I have the I was craving strawberry milk. I don't like the syrup. I like the powder. Even when I get chocolate for powder, I get oh, I get chocolate powder for chocolate milk. But I don't like syrups. I feel like the powder is just better, and I can actually see how much. I just don't like the syrup. I feel like it's very messy. It's just, it's, it's, I think it's a waste of time. The powder, I feel like it dissolves faster for me. And because I'm an impatient as a bitch. Yeah. Um, but I I don't, I think next next quick, I think it's I think it's more sweet than the flavor of strawberry or the flavor of chocolate. I feel like there's other milk products that when you actually drink it, you actually trace taste chocolate milk, not just chocolate.

SPEAKER_04 39:01

Oh, see, that's why I like it. Because the Nesquick, I'll only get the chocolate one. But if I want strawberry, I'm going Hershey strawberry syrup. Because it has more of that strawberry sugar taste.

SPEAKER_02 39:15

Okay, that see. I don't I'm not really into the sugar stuff.

SPEAKER_04 39:19

I'm into diabetes.

SPEAKER_02 39:21

But I'm I'm sorry. How do you not have diabetes? But I have diabetes. But uh you you you eat, sleep, shit, and whatever sugar, dude.

SPEAKER_04 39:33

It's just a matter of time. I know it's a matter of time. Once I hit like past 25, it's gonna be like, ooh, heart attack. Like every 10 minutes.

SPEAKER_02 39:42

Because I I was diagnosed as diabetic after the age of 25.

SPEAKER_04 39:47

That's what I'm telling you. I know it's gonna hit me, so I'm embracing all the sugar I can. I have a few months.

SPEAKER_02 39:52

It's so crazy. I don't understand that. I don't know. I feel like I do believe that I was putting my body in so much like mental stress that I was affecting my body all the way around. And I think that's just crazy how our body works. Yeah, it just adjusts to us. Talking about mental stress. I have a lot. I want to talk about something. I haven't even talked to my therapist about it. I've talked to Jonathan. You know what? Yes, because my therapist is slacking. I got you, bro.

SPEAKER_05 40:33

I do this shit at work for me.

SPEAKER_02 40:37

I got tea on everybody. I'm just kidding. Fucking um, I'm just making up names here. But fucking Samantha's gonna hear your fucking her tea on the podcast. For real.

SPEAKER_04 40:50

It would be like, I told you that in confidentiality. And I was like, but no dick get us too.

SPEAKER_05 40:56

Not for real. But everybody at work is like, I fucking knew Samantha was the one that gave everybody harpy. Bitch.

SPEAKER_02 41:08

Sorry, Tenantha. Tell me why.

SPEAKER_04 41:13

Oh, no, mamas. Everybody got that one person. That's okay. Bro, that's crazy. We're not gonna talk about them. Yeah, no.

SPEAKER_02 41:19

We're gonna leave their business out of it. They know who they are. Some people at work listen to my podcast. Oh, hey! Don't air this whenever she's there. Right.

SPEAKER_04 41:30

You know, that's all I gotta say. I'm like, stop, stop, stop. You heard the first part, you just leave it alone.

SPEAKER_02 41:37

Right, right. Anyways, carry on before before I get in trouble. No, um, that's if I'm still there when this fucking episode airs. Once I leave that job, I'm exposing everybody. No full name and address.

SPEAKER_04 41:54

Come at me again. No, for real. When you have me on Facebook, you know. For real. Look, we're coming at you again.

SPEAKER_00 42:05

I'm fucking dead.

SPEAKER_04 42:06

Anyways. Um I'm the fun therapist. Come at me.

SPEAKER_02 42:11

Yeah, okay, okay, okay. So you know, I've been going through some shit. Um, I'm pretty sure I'm pretty positive. I've I've said this on the podcast before, but I was S A, S S and Sam, A S and Apple, if you want to look it up, uh, when I was young by family friends, um, people that I knew. And I went and told somebody what was going on. I went and told my mom, and she told me I was lying. I okay it in a certain extent. You know, I grew up, I shit happened, it kept happening with different people. I said it about it one time, and when she shut it down, when it happened again with different people, I never said anything to her again.

SPEAKER_04 43:05

Right.

Forgiveness, Boundaries, And No Contact

SPEAKER_02 43:06

Um, but I okay it. Like, I okayed it. Because when I think about it, my mom wasn't in the right headspace. My mom was going through her own shit. My mom was struggling with her own demons, her own battles. My dad left her. She was getting beat. She was doing like she was drinking and going out. So like she was in a bad place, and I sadly also got the bad end of the stick, you know? So I okayed it for her. Like I accepted that that was my life. I accepted that that was going to happen for me. You know, going growing up in the church, you're you were told that God already read wrote your life. Yeah, your life was already stamp-sealed and delivered. Like God knew exactly what time you were gonna go to sleep, when you were gonna lie, when you were gonna chat to bell, everything. Yeah, so growing up, hearing that and knowing that that happened to me, my thing was like that was meant for for it to happen to me. Like that was my life. My life was for me to get SA by all of these men to become better, to become stronger, to become who I am now, because I am proud of who I am now. Yeah. And now it's as a 29-year-old, not me growing up. Right. You know, I I did my shit, I fucked up, I you know, everybody has their mistakes. Yeah. So I okayed it for her. I okay that she wasn't there. I okay that she didn't protect me because nobody was there for her. Nobody protected her. Yeah. But like after talking to my therapist and realizing that like it's not okay, what happened to me it's was not okay. Right. And no matter what she was going through, her job was to protect me. Correct. So now I'm in the place where I don't longer talk to my mom. And it's kind of hard for me to say that out loud because if you know me and if you got to know my mom, my mom was my world.

SPEAKER_04 45:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 45:23

My mom was my everything. And I went through a really big stage of depression when my mom had to leave. It's been six years since my mom left. She's not dead. She just moved to a different state and she legally can't come back. Um and now that I feel good, that I feel better, that I feel happy, I don't want to talk to her. Like I don't want to have a relationship with her. Thinking about the fact that I'm not gonna talk to her again, my stomach feels relieved. I don't feel like me not telling her anything really matters. And that feels okay with me, but that makes me sad. Cause my mom was my everything.

SPEAKER_04 46:19

Right. And you still care for them. It's okay to care for people and just not have them in your life anymore.

SPEAKER_02 46:25

Yeah, I get so. And you know, and the other day I was thinking about and it's it's pretty fucked up, right? But like, let's be raw, let's be honest, let's be blunt. I thought about how I was gonna react if I gotta call that my mom died.

SPEAKER_04 46:41

I mean it's still gonna be hard because that's still your mother.

SPEAKER_02 46:44

I don't I didn't feel like it was gonna be hard.

SPEAKER_04 46:47

Really? Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 46:49

Like would you I feel like I will I'm okay. Like, would you feel relief? I will feel I feel like I will feel the same. I feel like I feel like I will feel how I felt when I got the news that my grandma passed away. It was just more like, oh that sucks. Yeah. Carry on about my day.

SPEAKER_04 47:14

I mean, that's also okay since like everybody deals with death differently and they view it in a different point of view. So it doesn't have to affect you hard. I mean, the people who are more attached, I guess, to like the living, like they they see like this up here is uh like your entire world, like once you're gone, you're gone. Sometimes for other like for people like that, they would see it more harshly because then they're completely not here.

SPEAKER_02 47:49

Yeah. But like I don't know. I mean that is true, like that is true what you're saying.

SPEAKER_00 47:56

But like I feel like I feel like to a certain extent, I will be okay.

SPEAKER_02 48:06

Like, I don't I don't want to say relieve, right? But probably like that, I don't have to hear from her. Like she calls, I don't answer. Yeah, she texts me, I don't answer. And I'm okay with that. Like and it it makes me feel shitty because I know she's kind of like on her own. You're right, but so was I. But I don't want it to be like, oh, this is a payback because it's not right, but like sadly you weren't there to protect me. I'm now protecting myself so I can heal. And it's just like you just don't have time to protect her, too. You were you were the main heartache of my life. Like, I okay a lot of the things that you did to me, and it's pretty fucking crazy.

Triggers, Rage, And Grounding Tools

SPEAKER_04 49:09

We do that as kids though. We try to give our parents the benefit of the doubt, and we try to see reasons on what they do and why they do things. Um, because it's not always with the intention of hurting us. Like, we know that parents are our guardians, that that to us, we're not always gonna think like, oh, my mom's doing this to hurt my feelings, or we might literally think like, bro, she's a bitch, like fuck her. But then really I was just the one that's a pencil being, and you're like, All right, maybe she did it because of this distance. You're justifying everything to feel at peace that like with what they're saying is contradicting with what you want to do, yeah. So you're just gonna justify everything. I mean, it happens, it's crazy, like it because we trust true, it's trusting their parents, and we want to love them because they brought us here, they are supposed to be our protectors. So, of course, we're gonna go ahead and justify everything that they're doing, yeah. But like later on, we will go ahead and see like true factors on like why they did certain things, like with example, with like she said she was using she was getting beat in uh with alcohol use that she wasn't actually there. Yeah. So, like the justification is just the fact that she was drinking because she was getting beaten because of this, but she also could have done something else to go and provide. No, yeah. She couldn't have not drinked and like uh started thinking of solutions of getting out and things like that. You know, like there's always more. But us kids were justifying our parents.

SPEAKER_02 50:42

To a certain thing, to a certain extent, we didn't even know what was happening to us was wrong. Because if I was if I'm being realistic, I didn't know what was being done to me until pretty much almost like in sixth grade. Bitch, at that time, how old are you?

SPEAKER_04 51:00

Like 13, 14.

SPEAKER_02 51:02

I started I started getting SA when I was in the beginning of second grade. And I didn't realize what was going on to me until almost in sixth fucking grade. And that's because they gave us a pure a classical purity. They started showing us about like periods and how to use pads, and then they started talking about like sex and everything like that.

SPEAKER_00 51:24

And I was just like, Oh, I do those stuff. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 51:33

Yeah. And that's the thing, like that's that's that's crazy. You know, you know, my my therapist had me had me reading this book that did wake up a lot of things, did bring a lot of memories, and I've actually not shared this with anybody. Not even with Jonathan. So this is like raw information. There was a point where I was alone with my mom had a boyfriend, and he had two teenagers kids, two teen two teenager kids and a young boy. And my mom had left me home with one of the older teenager kids, and she had left with her boyfriend. I don't remember where the mother two were at, if I'm being honest, but no, it was just me and him. And he tried hump me, I guess. But like I had my clothes on, he was exposed. Yeah. So like he finished on my clothes. And he finished just in time that they were pulling up. So he like got off of me and was like, go take like he pretty much like rushed me to change. And I knew that I had to change, like I knew that I was gonna get in trouble. And you know what's the crazy thing? So I mean, I was a fucking kid, so all I did was just took my pants off and put other pants, and I just stuffed those purple pants, purple sweatpants, into the edge of the dirty basket. Well, my mom and I were doing laundry one day, and I totally forgot about it. And she pulled out those pants and she looked at them, and then she looked at me, and then I looked at her, and she just put them in the washer, and that was it. As a woman, I'm pretty sure you know what the fuck a sperm looks like. As a woman that was sexually active, that had two kids, you know what the fuck a sperm looked like.

SPEAKER_04 53:51

Right. That's crazy. She just didn't want to talk about it, she didn't want to acknowledge it.

SPEAKER_02 53:58

So it's like at this point in my life, I don't want to talk to my mom. Right. And it makes me feel bad that I don't feel bad.

SPEAKER_04 54:08

You don't have to. Because you're done justifying what was not right.

SPEAKER_02 54:13

But how do I get over that? Like, how do I get over the feeling bad for not wanting her in my life anymore? Because not even not even five years ago, my mom was my life. Not even five years ago, my mom. Not even five years ago, my mom was the reason why we were going to get a three to four bedroom house so she can have a place, she can have her own room in my house. Not even a year ago. And now I don't want her in my life, and I don't feel bad about it.

SPEAKER_04 54:44

Like I'm struggling with that. It's gonna take time. It will take time because it's not an easy process, it's not something you can just get over and like give you guys una semana, una nyo, even five. Like it will take time because she was your world for a really long time. And you did justify a lot of things because you care for her and you love her, and whether you don't want to be in her life at the point, like there is a time where you did love her, and you probably still do, because it's madre.

SPEAKER_02 55:18

No, pussy, madre solamente tienes una. Exactly.

SPEAKER_04 55:23

I'm like, yeah, but where you're just not justifying her actions you can anymore. Because it's like I have a niece. Like you grew up and you saw what the life, like what world is actually like, yeah, and you're not putting up with it. Yeah, I mean, there's nothing wrong with it.

SPEAKER_02 55:39

If my niece were to tell me, oh mama's friend, girl. I wouldn't even be like, are you sure? Like, I will be like, okay, you need to tell me everything. Like, I wouldn't even question her. Like, are you lying? Are you how do you know? I need you to tell me everything. When, where, how many times, who was there, who, like everything.

unknown 56:02

Right.

SPEAKER_02 56:02

Because it's who what child that doesn't know about that stuff makes that shit up.

SPEAKER_04 56:07

Exactly. Because it's not like it is exposed everywhere, but at that time it wasn't. Yeah. And even then, everybody like can tell that that's not okay. Even if they try to make a joke about it, like you can tell, like, by the reactions and things like that, that it's not okay. Yeah. It's not something to be like messed around with, like, it's very serious. Yeah. Because it is a serious matter. And then that's what you've come to realize and justify for yourself. Is that like, you know what it is this series? And it's fuckful for you.

SPEAKER_02 56:41

I fuck for it does fuck you up a lot. It does. Like, it made me question a lot about myself. I haven't had the chance to talk to my therapist about it because you know she's been out with her surgeries. But it's it's something that definitely um I've been struggling with because it's October.

SPEAKER_04 57:02

Yeah.

Therapy Plans And Quitting Nicotine

SPEAKER_02 57:03

Well, when we're recording this, it's October. I don't know when this will be out. Yeah. But it's October. My birthday is October 3rd, and my mom's birthday is October 10th. Um, for my birthday, I normally cry because my mom's not here. But this year I didn't. This year I actually felt good. I felt happy. I felt I felt good. I feel I feel good. And that's that's a lot because I haven't been able to feel like that in a real long time. Ever since my mom had to leave, you know? Um so this this year for my birthday was good. For my mom's birthday, I actually forgot it was her birthday. I didn't realize that it was her birthday. Um, but I definitely did not wake up okay.

SPEAKER_04 57:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 57:55

I woke up like in the wrong side of the bed, type of shit. Like I had a really funky attitude. And like I left the house, not really arguing with Jonathan, but I left the house upset. Upset. Like you can tell that I was I was ready just to talk my shit. Like I was just ready to bop off. Yeah. Um, I took the energy to work until I realized, until I had to start signing some goddamn papers, and I'm like, October 10, 2024. And I'm like, October, October 10, 2024. And I was like, fuck. I'm like, I know what's wrong. It's my fucking mom's birthday. Yeah. And like I came home that day, and I just felt like I wanted to destroy my house. I wanted to throw everything away. Like, not throw everything away. I wanted to throw everything around. Yeah. I wanted to throw stuff.

SPEAKER_04 58:56

You want to let your rage out.

SPEAKER_02 58:58

Yeah. And it's like, I haven't felt like that in a minute. And I was trying really hard to not do that to this place because I've done it to all my previous places. I've broken furniture, made holes, broken stuff. And it's just like I don't want to do that here. It's not the energy you want to have. Yeah. Like we just moved in. I don't want to have a hole that I'm looking at all the fucking time like I did at the apartment. You know, like it's embarrassing to have somebody come and patch up your holes. Yeah. You know? Like, some people are gonna figure it out, some people are gonna take the bullshit ass story that we give them. Yeah. And some people are gonna know.

SPEAKER_04 59:52

Like, no, but okay. You know? Or they try to think of other things that could be worse and things like that. They're judging.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:00

You yeah, so it's like I I did struggle that day, and instead of acting out, instead of passing out, I just talked to Jonathan. Yeah, that's good, and I just it it was weird, it was different just because I normally don't feel sad. I mean, I don't feel angry, I normally just feel sad. So that just that that's what really got me thinking. Like, why do I feel so angry towards my mom? And it's just like I don't want to talk to her. And when I think about not having her in my life, like I don't feel angry, I feel peaceful. I feel like my stomach settles. I feel like my stomach is not tight anymore. I feel like that's what I need to do.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:53

It's the stages of grief that you're going through. It just makes me feel shitty. You don't have to. It's like uh like I get it, you are gonna feel shitty, but it's with time. That's that's really the best advice I could give. Like, I know that there's like other things you probably could do to just distract yourself, but what really is just gonna go ahead and help with that feeling of guilt is just time because there's nothing you have to feel guilty about.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:22

Like, I definitely let myself cry nowadays. I wouldn't let myself cry. But now I let myself cry.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:32

Yeah, it's good.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:33

And I you know what's crazy? I struggle to get myself to cry.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:36

Really?

SPEAKER_02 1:01:37

Like I feel it, like sometimes like I feel anger, and when I really think about that, it's like okay, it's not anger, it's just sadness that's coming out as anger. And that's and I've I talked to my therapist about that, and she says, is that because I'm not angry, I'm full of rage. So it's like I don't have anger, I'm just rage. That's why I automatically go from like feeling angry to fucking throwing shit across the room because I escalate, because I'm always escalated. And it makes sense, you know? But this time, whenever I feel like I need to make a hole in the wall, I just like okay, just sit down and cry. Because then I cry and I feel better, and I don't no longer feel like I had to punch anything, and I just like I'm able to talk, I'm able to express myself to Jonathan, I'm being heard, and that's very nice.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:39

It's a lot easier to hear someone whenever they're talking softly than yelling and just spewing things out that you don't actually mean, but because you're angry, you're gonna say whatever because you don't care, you're just ready to explode, ready to destroy.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:57

Yeah, yeah. So I can't wait to remember to talk to my therapist and catch up with a lot of things because it's been too damn long, woman. But yeah, I mean that was my session right there. That was my therapy session. Thanks, guys. Y'all are the best. Y'all could go ahead and build Jonathan. Nah, no, but yeah, it's it's it's something it's still fresh. We're still in October. My mom's birthday just happened.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:30

Yeah, so it's still very recent and things. That's why I'm telling you, time.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:39

Let's just take us one day at a time.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:42

That's definitely something that I'm gonna have to do.

Willpower, Quitting Cigarettes Stories

SPEAKER_04 1:03:45

Um focus on your now, your here. Whatever is present to you because there's not much you can do about the future because you don't know what's gonna happen. Yeah. And in the past, it already happened. No, yeah, and there's nothing that can be changed. You can only focus on the now and what you can do to focus and change what is here.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:10

Yeah. Look at you, Melaney. I'm telling you, I'm trying to go to school for this. I do too. I would like to be a therapist, actually. I feel like I'm a good listener.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:23

I just like feeling that I'm guiding people correctly. Like, there's other routes that's not always have to be a very harsh way of looking because I'm good at looking at things two-sided. So I'm like, I can see your point of view very clearly, and I'm not dissing it, but also try to see it in this perspective and things like that.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:46

It's the difference between thinking about thinking with your heart and thinking with your mind. And it's something that I do struggle with for sure.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:56

Yep. I'm a very emotional person too. So I tend to act out with my feelings, but then later I think about my actions. And then I'm just like, fuck, bro. Like, I really need to start thinking more before feeling. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:11

But yeah, because my feelings always came out as angry.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:15

Yeah, mine always comes out in like a harsh yell or like getting on yando or just like bitching or things like that, instead of just talking it out. But at times I don't even understand what I'm upset about. Like, I just woke up and I'm like frustrated as fuck. Like all the smallest things. I struggle with that, and I'm like, why though? Like, like I'm thinking like as I go to the bathroom, I'm like, you woke up fine, there's nothing wrong with you. No one did anything, everything's the same as you left the night before. You weren't mad. What changed?

SPEAKER_02 1:05:52

My best tip for that, because I've had this conversation with my therapist, because I am the same fucking way. Sometimes I feel fucking angry and I don't know what the fuck for. One, our mind wanders even when we don't even realize it. So sometimes whenever we're doing something, I don't know where you feel angry, you feel anxious, you feel sad, is because your mind traveled to a place that you've tried so hard to forget that you don't even know what the fuck you were thinking of. So sometimes you can sit there and try to figure out what it is. Sometimes it's not worth it. Yeah. Sometimes you just gotta, you know what, just bring yourself to your then and now. Like, okay, right now I'm on the toilet. I'm looking at my cats. I'm gonna send crane on my snap. Like, and you just kind of forget of that anger, and then you bring yourself back to who you are, which you were fine.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:46

And that's what I do, yeah. But I don't ever try to figure it out. That's my thing.

Healing Cycles In Latino Families

SPEAKER_02 1:06:51

I never do sometimes, sometimes it's a given. Uh-huh. And sometimes it's just let it go. Yeah. Like, what's an example? Um like I don't remember what it was, but I I can't remember. I I can't remember. Jonathan was doing something, and I got pissed the fuck off. I walked away and I was like, why are you so fucking pissed right now? Like, what the fuck is going on? And it had nothing to do with him. Like, I realized that it was it was um, I was expecting him to do something that I was used to somebody doing, but it had nothing to do with Jonathan. Right. Because this is Jonathan, not that person. So it's just one of those things. Sometimes you can try to figure it out what it was in insecurity of somebody like little boys in the back of your head. But sometimes you can try to think about it and work on it, and sometimes it's just worth not. It's not worth it. Cause like I'll get mad at a fucking fly. Uh me. I'll get mad at a fucking fly, and I'm like, why am I so fucking angry right now? Like, why am I ready to blow up the fucking world? It's your mom's birthday.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:17

So sometimes things will just slap you in the face. Like, this is why you're mad, Melanie. And you're like, okay, makes sense. Yeah. It's it's a it's a day where somebody did something to you. Or sometimes a smell can trigger you. Sometimes a touch can trigger you. Sometimes a certain noise can trigger you. And you don't even know until you think about it. And I was like, I'm upset because you touch me a certain way, and when I get touched a certain way, something else will happen. You know what I'm saying? It's some those kind of stuff you have to kind of like talk about. Yeah. Because Jonathan, one time, like we were playing around in the bed, and we weren't, and then he he put the cover on top of me, and I went to panic mode to the point where like I started hitting him like I was defending myself. Right. Because he triggered something that someone else used to do to me.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:14

And like that was the whole episode. Yeah. Like, you know, and and after that, the next couple of days, I was like on edge. Like he would try to touch me, and I will like jump, and I will be, I will be like uh um just very like, and every time I will feel angry or will feel scared, I will feel like I wasn't safe in my own house, I would think, and I'm like, okay, you're not there. I'm not there. I'm here. This is where I'm at, and I will be okay.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:43

I feel that.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:44

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:47

I see that's the thing though. That's the I'm trying to get to that point where I can figure it out. Because there's like certain things that will trigger me, but I don't know where it's coming from. And it frustrates me because I'm like, I want to know why. I want to know what is triggering, why is this triggering me? What happened for me to like not really get over it, but just to understand and be like, okay, it's it's okay. Because like one thing that like that Ray does is that like he'll hold me like based off on my shoulders, and I feel restricted and I hate it that I just like I'm just like, okay, I like I'll push him away completely. I'm like, don't just don't touch me, but I don't know why. But if he has it here, I'm perfectly fine. So I'm like, that's things that I want to understand about myself that I haven't figured out how to tune those in yet.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:41

Well, I mean, were you ever in in an abusive relationship? Or were you ever in a relationship where you were like manhandled, like not fit not technically like hit, but where they were like grip you on your shoulders or they will like I don't know, like body slam you? Did you ever did did your parents ever get into physical fights where you witnessed stuff like that? That's the thing, never. I wonder if it's just more like uh what is that word? Like castrophobic?

SPEAKER_04 1:11:13

That's what I just say it is because I don't have a definition for it.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:17

Because sometimes whenever Jonathan hugs me uh and he's too close, I feel like I can't breathe. And like I'll panic because of that, but like I just don't see it. Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm that's that's like a panic. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:32

So you oh maybe that's what it is.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:33

Okay, yeah. You you something about that certain touch can spike up your little anxiety.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:41

Because that's how I feel. I'm just like, I need a I need to like sh like I'll just end up going like this, like I'm gonna be.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:47

And like you need to breathe, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:49

But like I I can breathe fine, it's just like I feel hot, and then I feel like and like my skin's crawling, and I'm like, okay, okay, cool. That's enough, that's enough. Don't touch me, don't touch me. Like I overstimulated.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:59

That's definitely like a little panic attack. Oh, your skin crawling. Yeah. If you ever decide to go to therapy, I would definitely suggest for you to talk about that stuff.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:10

I am. I'm gonna start going in January, actually.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:12

Actually, that's exciting.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:14

Because I want to do it like weed free. Uh, I'm gonna try to get off nicotine too so I can be like pure-minded, fully there, focusing on what I'm doing. But I do have an addiction, so I'm trying to like push it down.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:29

Jonathan gave you some tips. He just went through that getting off cigarettes and stuff. It's hard for it. It will it is, it was definitely. I um I actually even stopped smoking weed around him to just kind of help him because the smell of weed just me smoking and the smell of smoke will trigger him and want him to smoke, so I stopped smoking around him for a while.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:55

That's good.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:56

Yeah, yeah, he he did the gums, he did the patches. I don't feel dizzy.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:17

You do you yeah, it's he was he was going to like actual withdrawals because I don't feel dizzy, I just feel more anxious, and then I'm like, like I just feel fidgety, and then and then I'll smoke, and then I'm like, okay, like I'll just say it. Or like my skin will literally start hiving up. Like, you know how well this is because I was scratching, but like my skin will get like super thick, like inchado whenever it's hives, and and then I smoke and it goes away. And I'm like, I hate that this helps.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:49

Yeah, he was going through some stuff like that. Little like he he will like he will get really bad headaches.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:02

Yeah, I know.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:04

I know that's what that is, but like he he the little thing that he put like in his gum to dissolve that helped him a lot. Actually, that's that's one of the things that helped him because like I'm saying, he tried the the gum and the patches, and they kind of work, but they never helped him to really get off of it.

SPEAKER_04 1:14:23

Because my friend tried to give me one of those little things you put in your gums, and it's for that, like it helps them withdraw from like uh the dispos and like all that shit. But that thing burnt the shit out of my gum, and like this, like my skin was like it was so bad.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:41

Yeah, that's the thing.

unknown 1:14:43

I would have skin.

SPEAKER_04 1:14:47

Yeah, just no, because like like I took it out and like it was raw, like uh-uh. Yeah, like it just hurt oh you rather have that?

SPEAKER_02 1:14:57

That's what I'm saying. Like that, like that's that's the process.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:00

Like, I couldn't eat like nothing. Like, I felt like my lip was like just doing towards me.

Accountability, Apologies, And Growth

SPEAKER_02 1:15:04

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. That's the process. Because then you start going down on it and it stops hurting less and less. And the next time you know, you're gonna stop needling it less and less. Because it's like, it's like it's it's nicotine in it, and it dissolves and it goes through your bloodstreams just like a regular cigarette, just like your pan. And you start doing it, you actually have to go like on a schedule and you start winning yourself off of it. So eventually, like But yeah, like that's that's the process. The pain is the process. Because whether you whether you do that or you do something else, you're still gonna hurt.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:44

That is true. Not gonna lie, what got me to stop smoking cigarettes, because I used to be a heavy uh packed smoker, was the fact that I had strepped and I could like I wanted to smoke, so I went and I was dying. And so I was just like, okay, I'm gonna stop. And then like I wouldn't let my strep heal because I kept on trying to smoke until I was just like, all right, I'm done. Like, this is not worth my throat not healing. And then after that, I couldn't touch a single cigarette afterwards.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:14

You know what's crazy? I also used to be a very uh heavy cigarette smoker. Um, I will smoke like almost a pack a day type of shit.

SPEAKER_04 1:16:23

I smoked two.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:24

Yeah. It was bad. And one day, like my first cigarette will be like six, seven o'clock in the morning on my way to work. And one day, I was I turned like I was in the car. I started going, I pulled up my little cigarette and my little lighter. That first hit made me puke. I don't know what it was. I had to turn around and go back home and and change. I and I was and that made me late to work, right? So I was like, okay, so I didn't even think about smoking. I just went, changed, and I went back in the car and I took off. I get to work, I'm already late, we're getting to working, blah, blah, blah. I get my first smoke break. I do the same fucking thing. You throw up. Yeah. And I'm like, damn. So then I was like, okay. So then I'm like, what if it's like a bad pack? Yeah. So I went and bought another pack. And the same thing. So I just took it as my body was telling me that you're done. And I never picked up a cigarette ever again.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:30

Damn, your body really was like, hey, stop.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:33

Yeah. But the thing is, like, I'm able to do that with a lot of things. It's crazy. Jonathan says that I have strong willpower. Yeah, there he goes. I was like, mental power?

SPEAKER_04 1:17:44

I'm like, that's strong willpower right there.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:46

Because one time, like one time I went three months without soda. Like, I without anything. I just did straight up water. And I just woke up one day and I was like, I'm just gonna drink water for the next three months. And I literally did it.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:58

You have, yeah, you have no mental like focusing on one thing, and you're like, I'm gonna do this because I can.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:06

That's crazy. Now, cigarettes, um, I'll crave it whenever I am very drunk, but even then, like I'll turn it on and I'll hold it, but I don't even smoke it. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And because one time, sometimes I'll hit it and I'll I'll be like, it's like, oh man, fuck, who gave me this?

SPEAKER_05 1:18:31

It's like I'm like, man, I'm tripping here. It's like, where's my blunt, bro? That's what I thought that's what this was.

SPEAKER_04 1:18:41

You get your blunt, you finish it, you're like, give me another cigar. Yeah, I'm gonna wave it around.

SPEAKER_05 1:18:46

Other vessels. I was like, I told you I don't want it.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:51

Yeah, it'd be like that. It's crazy. Damn, this episode we got really touchy. I exposed my mom, but don't go after my mom.

SPEAKER_04 1:19:03

Yeah, we learn, we're learning here, we're learning here. We're learning and we're evolving. You know, our main thing, hey, quit chewing on my crocs, broski. It's not okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:12

Right there.

SPEAKER_04 1:19:13

Yeah, I got your mama on you. We're exposing you too, bro.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:20

But alright, guys, if you need some type of help with physical, mental, we're gonna put up some links on the caption. Um, if you want to talk to us, yes, we don't have to put your stories on our episodes. We can definitely keep it privately. I definitely have a lot more to talk about. So if this is something, if this is like a little um relatable topic that y'all would like to talk about here and there, let us know. Yes, um, because we can be serious at times, you know, not everything has to be funny. Yeah, we're not always jokesters.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:01

Yeah, we can be serious about things.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:04

I mean, we we look funny, but we're not always funny.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:08

I'm being like, nah, I'm funny looking all the time, right?

SPEAKER_03 1:20:11

Yeah, see how she disagrees, defend me. I'm like, come on the line and say nice things about me.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:22

Right, but alright, guys, no for reals. Uh our mental health matters, it really does. Like it, it's it's important. We need to take care of us, we need to take care of us because if you already know that nobody else is gonna take care of you, at least take care of yourself.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:40

Exactly. Nobody's gonna take care of you but you because nobody knows everything.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:44

No, it's never too late. I'm fucking freshly 29, and I just started taking care of myself about like two years ago. It'd be like that. There's there's there's no late. There's there's no late, there's no time.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:55

Yeah, it's just whenever you feel like it's right for you, or whenever you're ready to make that state for yourself.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:00

Do it, you're gonna love it, you're gonna be happier.

SPEAKER_04 1:21:02

You really do, you really realize a lot of shit about yourself. Yeah, like me talking to you a lot is putting me in the state where I'm like, you know what, it's it's just best for me to figure out also therapeutically. So I'm like, kudos to you for teaching me. Now we're teaching y'all. Yes, especially Latinos. I'm not gonna lie, like we we our parents, we love y'all, but y'all fucked us up.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:31

Loki, yeah, sometimes y'all fucked us the fuck up, man. Y'all do a little too much, yeah. Too much or too little, yeah. Like, I'm not saying that all of our parents are as shitty, but I literally just confessed a part of how my mom fucked me up. Yes. Because her parents showed her how to shut up and swallow it. Yeah. So she showed me how to do the same thing.

SPEAKER_04 1:21:55

Exactly. That's what I'm telling you. Parents will go ahead and show you their same behaviors. It's only whenever one person decides to make it not okay and to change the the route that things have been going in that you're gonna see that maybe it wasn't like you didn't get justice for yourself, but you're gonna get justice for the later on generations to come in y'all's family. Yeah. And that's like a big thing.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:25

Because in you don't really gotta think about, oh, I don't wanna be just like my dad. I don't want to be like my mom. Because my sister, she says that sometimes. Well, she used to say it, I don't want my kids to grow up like how you and I did with a mom and a dad in the in the in the same house. Okay, I can respect that. Right. I believe our parents didn't want that, right? Um, but shit fucking happens. And we they probably didn't go through the same thing, but they went through their own fucked up shit because of you.

SPEAKER_04 1:22:59

Right. Like everybody goes through their own fucked up shit, but you guys gotta try to make it better for yourself, yeah. For future yourself and then future things to come.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:08

Yeah, so just because I feel like we should get help before we have kids. Oh, yeah. Because when you have a mindset of I don't want my kids to grow up like me, sometimes you fuck them up in that same fucking way. And you don't try to.

SPEAKER_04 1:23:28

Yeah. That's what I'm telling you. Like you really don't try to.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:31

Yeah, you don't, but that's all we know. And if you work on yourself and admit when you're wrong, that's a biggie.

SPEAKER_04 1:23:41

Nobody wants to admit they're wrong. Yeah, and that's the thing. But like as parents, you make mistakes. Yeah. And you gotta like learn from it to teach them better. So they don't make the same mistakes.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:54

Yeah. One thing also, I love to apologize when I'm wrong. I like to I like to know when I'm wrong. I feel like that makes me more of a human. I feel like that makes me more of a respectful human. Cause nobody's perfect. Right. And if you can't accept and admit when you're wrong, then I honestly don't want to show on my table.

SPEAKER_04 1:24:19

I'm never wrong, though. Like, I don't know who she's specifically talking about her table right here. But I'm never wrong. No. I I like when people tell me that I am in the wrong. I sometimes don't take it lightly. No, yeah. And I it's sometimes it's hard.

SPEAKER_02 1:24:39

It's a hard pill pill to swallow sometimes. Or it's sometimes the way it's delivered. Yes. Sometimes the delivery is it pisses you off sometimes.

SPEAKER_04 1:24:47

It's the way they come at you that you're like, okay, but you didn't have to talk to me like that. Right. You know, like I can accept it, but back the fuck up. No, yeah. Type of shit. Oh, yeah. But yeah, I I will admit whenever I am wrong, or whenever I don't think I'm doing something right, I will go ahead and apologize.

SPEAKER_02 1:25:05

Yeah, when you step that online when you weren't listening. Yeah. Yeah. Definitely. And that's gross. And I pray for all of our listeners to have that one day. Yes. Experience that. Uh self-healed, mental healed. It's importante, guys. It really is.

SPEAKER_04 1:25:27

Super important. For happiness. It's the only way you can get better. Because then you're gonna be stuck on the same thing you're thinking about, and you'll get mad over the same things, but because you're not letting it go.

unknown 1:25:39

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 1:25:41

But bueno, like you already know, follow us on social media. Instagram, Facebook, all of it. All of it. We have a link. Yes. We have a link that you take it. I mean, that you take that you click and it takes you to all of our platforms. So if you want to see if we're on another platform that you use, check it out. It's free. You can chat with us, follow us on Instagram, you can communicate with us there. It's fun, it's fun. We're doing all this cool stuff for y'all to be able to participate with us and let us know about that call. I'm so fucking down.

SPEAKER_04 1:26:17

Like, I really would like to go ahead and have y'all's personal achievement up in here. Yeah. Expose some bitches. Your dilemma. What your baby daddy do to you this time, girl. Exactly, girl. We is gonna go ahead and find his address because we know the license space. Hell yeah, hell yeah. We'll get the blunts going. Don't be like that one girly that got arrested because she you saw the TikTok about that one girl who ended up going to this restaurant and like destroying this guy's car. He got she got arrested.

SPEAKER_02 1:26:46

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but shout out to the other girl on TikTok. What? With that, she brought her man over from fucking Mexico.

SPEAKER_05 1:26:56

I know what you're getting.

SPEAKER_02 1:27:00

Cheated on her and she said, Come on, puppy, let's put a six flags. And took you guys back to Mexico.

SPEAKER_05 1:27:06

You got her fucked up and said, No, but she's seeing fucking legal charges now.

SPEAKER_04 1:27:12

What? For kidnap. Because that's technically kidnapped. If you're taking someone against her will, like, well, I don't know if she's seeing legal charges. Scratch that. Like, but there was another TikTok about it that like a lawyer was talking about, and that like, so she could be seeing some potential crime time because it's like um she did go ahead and like kidnap him. Because she took him against his will. Like, she didn't let him know exactly where they were going.

SPEAKER_02 1:27:44

Well, look here, ma'am. If you're listening to this, whoever you are, have your people call my people. I will donate for your lawyers. Exactly. Fuck that man. I'll give you$20. No, like I mean, no te pases way. Like for real. Like, she's like, supposedly la vida over here is more. It's harder. You know? But supposedly, yeah, to the life over here is better, right? La vida in Estados Unidos is the as a mexicano. That's what you believe. That's why you come over here, right? So you find you this hardwork working, beautiful woman. Because she was very beautiful. Yeah, she was beautiful. Brought your ass over here with your funky beaner ass. Disgusting.

SPEAKER_04 1:28:36

Andale. Like, como te treves? Dude, like, you really fucked up for that one. Like, that's just mad crazy. And disrespectful. Like, I'm mad. I wish you would like try me again. Hell no.

SPEAKER_02 1:28:53

I mean, drop this from here, so I don't know what I'm gonna drop a mom for. Your mama's house.

SPEAKER_05 1:28:57

Like, go back down the street to your mom's house. You baby, you wanna go to six box? I heard that six fucks is having a huge recall on that hole.

SPEAKER_04 1:29:09

Because nobody wants to go to six, but they'll be like, uh, my girl's trying to take me to six boxes. I wonder why.

SPEAKER_05 1:29:14

Be like, what'd you do? Well, bitch, you fucking real like why are you scared?

SPEAKER_02 1:29:19

Keep your wiener in between your legs, guys, and your straps in between your and your backpacks, ladies. Exactly.

SPEAKER_04 1:29:27

I mean, if you're not ready to commit, just say you're not ready. Why is that so hard?

SPEAKER_02 1:29:32

Just say you wanna be a mandingo. You wanna you wanna dip your stuff in different flavor ice cream, but honestly, there's some ladies that you're like, you know what?

SPEAKER_04 1:29:42

The mundango, I don't care. There really are ladies that like that that are wild.

SPEAKER_02 1:29:52

That fucking boy. Man, we gotta go. I gotta go with this boy on the list. But okay, guys, you already know, bitches are still. Getting pregnant from left to right. Cooties are wild. Disgusting. Everywhere. Lavatelas Manos. We're fucking with us Mexicans because your ass will get sent back to Mexico. Be toxic. Okay. We love a little drama. And just for the drama. Ah no. I'm gonna just stay quiet. I'm gonna just stay quiet. She said, you know what the fuck, bitch.

SPEAKER_04 1:30:25

Fuck you. She's like, I'm tired of your ass. Hell yeah. Bye ho.

SPEAKER_05 1:30:32

Bye.